I’m VERY SURE no one ever told me how much of work is just managing other people’s moods. It feels like an obvious statement, but it needs to be said. People don’t behave the same way all the time. Their stress, pressure, how they feel about you or your colleagues, or a bad day changes how they talk and react. While I’m loathe to admit it, mood absolutely affects how work gets done, even if the task itself is simple.
Everything in the Workplace is Filtered Through Mood
It may not be evident at first, but after you have a few interactions with the same person where their reactions seem inconsistent or surprising, you start to realize the job changes with mood. When you feel: “that went badly and I am not sure why”. Chances are that someone’s emotional state was impacting the interaction. When I get this feeling, I start paying attention to patterns, so I don’t have to start from scratch every time I get that feeling that something’s off.
Does someone get short under pressure? Or uneasy when things are unclear? Once I notice the patterns, I can start to predict when those reactions might happen. That predictability reduces the emotional shock of the moment and gives me a way to prepare instead of feeling blindsided.
The practical challenge is the repeated experience of not understanding why a particular reaction happened. People’s display of mood is sometimes non-intuitive. Not everyone reacts the same way, and not everyone manifests emotions in the same way. I look for patterns to reduce that uncertainty by observing how external conditions, such as stress, deadlines, or ambiguity, tend to produce specific responses in specific people. Over time, my understanding of the patterns displayed by each individual creates a sense of predictability, which reduces confusion and helps prepare for likely outcomes. It’s so much better than reacting to each situation as if it is entirely new.
Why are Moods Your Problem?
Ignore mood to your detriment. In a perfect world, your career wouldn’t be dependent on how your boss is feeling on any given day. But the reality is, you’ll go further if you acknowledge the mood factor.
You know that classic public relations technique, where politicians will drop unpopular news late on a Friday afternoon? They know that a lot of people are anticipating their weekends, and so they’re less likely to pay attention to the latest government press release. You need to channel that same strategic thinking.
You’re never going to get rid of moods. So what I do is see them as part of my day. From the first moment I walk in, I assess mood. Saying ‘hi’ as I walk to my desk isn’t as much about being friendly as it is getting a mood assessment from my coworkers and boss. How are they feeling? Is it the right day to ask for a raise? A good time to ask for help? Should I offer support on a project? Stay out of someone’s way?
You always want to give yourself the best chance for success, and that means picking your moments around other’s moods.
Navigating Moods Needs its Own GPS
Navigating mood is a balancing act though and it’s super important that you’re not allowing anyone else to dictate your life. It’s definitely not about putting your own feelings aside and letting everyone else set the tone.
Some people say responding to mood is a feminine trait but the person I’m thinking of who did this the best was a dude I’ll call JL. He was our team lead, and he knew when to push and he knew when to stop arguing. His ability to show a wee bit of sensitivity to the folks around him helped us tremendously. We were in a project meeting once with another team, and we needed them to step up their timeline on a deliverable. JL presented our case and was assertive during the timeline discussion. But he recognized the moment the other team lead’s tone change. He wrapped up and gave her time to process. It was such beautiful timing. We were able to avoid accidentally triggering conflict and/or creating more work, aggravation and churn for our team.
If you develop even a bit of competency in noticing when the mood around you changes, you can adjust and avoid unnecessary problems.
When Mood Patterns Conflict
I know, it’s all fine and nice to say “pay attention to mood,” but what happens when you’re in the middle of two moods that require different responses?
I’ve been there. Like, you’re in an informal project planning meeting, and one coworker has the highlighters lined up and is ready to get her to-do list done, and the other coworker is scowling and clearly communicating that he wants to be literally anywhere else.
Navigating a situation like this isn’t easy. Taking sides is going to upset one of them and set your project back because you’ll create bad blood. But you can’t split yourself and respond in two different ways.
This best thing you can do is acknowledge what each person is communicating so that you can find a compromise. Outline the work that needs to be done to support the mood of the keener. Agree to go away and get some work done for the guy who doesn’t want to be there. A firm commitment to reconvene at a reasonable date keeps everyone, including yourself, on track.
You might be thinking this all takes a lot of work. It does. You might also be thinking that not everyone adjusts to other’s moods. You’re right. But that just means you’ll stand out as a superstar for putting in the effort.
Recognizing Your Own Patterns
The last thing I’ve got to say, is that you’ve got moods too. Part of dealing with mood in the office is being honest about your own (even if it’s only to yourself). We all have days where we just don’t feel like talking to anyone. Or making a decision. Those days when we wish we didn’t have to get out of bed.
We also have triggers. When someone’s tone makes your heart pound. Or when their words make you want to punch them in the face. It’s not all doom and gloom of course. We also have days where we feel like we’re walking to a kick-ass soundtrack. Or feel excited by what we’re going to accomplish.
You’ve got to recognize your own patterns and adjust behaviour accordingly. Don’t make decisions when you’re tired or hungry. Offer to help on a project when you’re sparkling. And if someone always gets your back up, unpack that so you can move beyond your reaction to get your work done.
Final Thoughts on Mood
People say that offices are ‘professional environments’, and they are, to the extent that they’re places where work gets done. But professional doesn’t mean devoid of personality, emotion, drama, or baggage. Once you accept that offices can be just as messy as your personal life, you can start to anticipate and respond to mood effectively. Which is the only way to get your work done.